I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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