anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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