I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
