yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
