life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Non-Jews are for practice
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
