i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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