I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
