I showed him my bush... on skype.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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