He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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