thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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