I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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