Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
