Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
