i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
