Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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