How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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