a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize