i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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