Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize