Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
