This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
