Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i drank out of a bidet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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