I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
