omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize