can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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