I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
