Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
