6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
