last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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