ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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