He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
