You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
