I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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