i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
