Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
