He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
