I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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