Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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