shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
