i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
