saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
