i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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