Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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