you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
