I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
