I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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