I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
