Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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