I wish I could teleport
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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