But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
