Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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