Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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