just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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