when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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