shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
