that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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