I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
