I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
