my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
