I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
