i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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