insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
