No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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