hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
