Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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