writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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