I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
