On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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