I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
