I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
