I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
