Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
