i permit you to call me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
