you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize