Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
