thus making me awesome and them whores
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
