I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
