Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
