Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
