Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
