FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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