Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
