dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
