apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
