is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im holly from the hills drunk
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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