Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
