Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
