So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
